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By John Helmer, Moscow

When it came to ingratiating American presidents, no Russian leader tried harder than Mikhail Gorbachev followed by Boris Yeltsin. Vladimir Putin did his best to match their examples with Bill Clinton.   Putin was slow to learn, slower to anger. That began in 2008 when Hillary Clinton, then Secretary of State, broke a promise after taking a bribe to allow the Kremlin to buy the Opel car division in Germany from General Motors.  

By June of 2013, Putin was no longer able to contain his anger at Barack Obama. Obama’s wars on the Ukraine and Syria fronts proved to Putin that Obama’s private word was worthless and his public posturing insufferable. Putin’s military and intelligence staffs had been telling him so for years.

Introducing THE COMPLETE DANCES WITH BEARS COMIC BOOK.  Left:  the US president whom the Kremlin learned to hate more than any other — the original cartoon was first published on October 11, 2009.

The US putsch replacing the Ukrainian leadership in Kiev on February 21, 2014, was the point at which Putin could no longer follow the pro-American line of his economic advisers and the oligarch lobby. They didn’t want the accession of Crimea; Putin had no choice.

Even the oligarchs could not deny the lying, violence and corruption of Hillary Clinton, and of the women she put in power. The biggest of the failures from then have returned to try again in the Biden Administration:  Jen Psaki, now White House spokesman; Avril Haines, Director of National Intelligence; Victoria Nuland, Under Secretary of State; Susan Rice, White House domestic policy chief; Gayle Smith, State Department coordinator of Covid-19 and health security policy.

Original appeared on April 6, 2014.

Comic-strip villains are always crashing their rocket ships and surviving the fireball to return in unscorched confidence for the next episode of their evil.

When the plot was hatched to bring down MH17, John Brennan was director of the CIA, Hillary Clinton was preparing to be president, Victoria Nuland ran the Russia and Ukraine desks at the State Department, and Obama was captain of the ship. From their point of view, their MH17 plot is still a success because Putin is reviled for it – the Americans, Ukrainians and Dutch have produced a tale almost nobody disbelieves. No volume of secret document hacks and dumps, Wikileaks, whistleblowing agents, investigating journalists, and truthers have made the slightest bit of difference.  The villains of American plots always return from their last defeat to a fresh one. In reality, like comic strips, evil repeats; good is fantasy.  

First published on October 16, 2014.

It was natural for the Russians to hate Hillary Clinton. Compared to her and the Clinton gang, Donald Trump was comic relief. But as he attempted to cast his players and assemble the new American plot against Russia, only Americans were surprised at what happened. Russians were already laughing behind their hands. They still are.  In London and Washington this sense of humour is incomprehensible.

May 15, 2017.
 In this story, the career background of Fiona Hill, then the new White House staff advisor on Russia, was opened for investigation, including details Hill had omitted from the public record. These included the British Government’s role in paying for her two-year study trip to Moscow; the Kennedy family’s sponsorship of her graduate study at Harvard; the promoter of her Washington career, Richard Pipes, inventor of the Team B fabrications of Soviet threats; and the money trail to Hill’s pocket from the Ukrainian oligarch Victor Pinchuk and a Goldman Sachs banker. Hill has now published an autobiography in which she claims she can understand Vladimir Putin because she and he came from working-class origins. The Financial Times has been promoting Hill’s version of the Russian plot against the US. So does the Christian Science Monitor whose Moscow correspondent, once a working class identifier himself, announced last week: “I've always respected Fiona Hill.”

There never was an American who looked the evil part more convincingly than Zbigniew Bzrezinski.  If he had been German or Jewish instead of Polish and Catholic,  and if his plots had been less susceptible to crashing and burning up, his face might have turned into something more amiable,  more deceiving, like Henry Kissinger. Even Russian children know how to recognize a wicked face when they see one. When it talks and when it acts, they know to prepare themselves. They feel sorry for American children who aren’t.  

May 28, 2017

The plot to overthrow Trump has turned out to be biblical — that’s the Holy Bible, not Walt Disney.  The Apple in the Garden of Eden, Noah’s Ark,  Moses on Mount Sinai, Jesus on Calvary, the Resurrection, and Paul on the road to Damascus – there cannot and  never will be a special counsel’s report , or even a Substack subscription, to convince the believer it didn’t happen that way.  The Golden Showers dossier came from God – the Democratic National Committee and the Deep State were his servants and messengers.   

January 18, 2017

The last time a British spy operation penetrated the Washington policy establishment as smoothly and deeply as this one was when the two whoring novelists, Roald Dahl and Ian Fleming, unbuttoned their flies on Winston Churchill’s orders in 1943. Like their original one, the new operation required pimping; that role fell to a mild-mannered lawyer called Jonathan Winer at the State Department. “Fascinating”, “Tx as ever”, “Love these tx” said Winer’s superior Nuland. “I’m honoured to be the telegraph operator” Winer replied. His superior William Burns called him the “fixer in chief”.

December 13, 2020

When Burns was ambassador to Russia, Russian officials thought him a joke; none of the serious ones agreed to meet him — except for Alexei Kudrin, then finance minister and the American candidate to replace Putin. Kudrin still is; Burns is now head of the Central Intelligence Agency.  In the lessons for defeating Putin which Burns recounts in his memoirs, none is more laughable than the one he tells of Condoleeza Rice in high heels standing over as Putin warned the US Government against provoking a war with Georgia. Burns has a personal grudge against Russia,  especially Putin,  for beating him to the punch.   

March 10, 2019

The woozle first appeared in a story cautioning children against being silly. He is the adversary the evidence for whom has been created by those in hot pursuit, creating tracks of their own. They are the silly ones; the woozle doesn’t exist except as a figment of their imaginations.

The names of Antony Blinken, now President Biden’s Secretary of State, and Victoria Nuland, his Under Secretary of State, originally referred to the pancakes and noodles which their forebears used to bake and hawk around the Ukrainian villages of the old Russian empire. They are the Blin-Noodle gang now, and they aim to defeat the Russians in war. They think words win wars.  In their first six months of trying they were soundly beaten on the sea, in the air, and across the battlefield. Those are woozle tracks they left behind as they retreated.

March 16, 2021

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